Anticip . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ation

Hooray! According to the Peace Corps web site, I have now passed the entire application process.The "legal" part went through on Tuesday, so there are now no more holds on my application and I'm open for the invitation. I have an email out to my Placement Officer that explains that A) my nut allergy is not as big an issue as the Medical Office believed it to be, B) the real concern should be my cold-induced asthma, and C) in my opinion the best use of my skills would be in the Caribbean or Pacific. He wrote back only to ask my Social Security number, and I haven't heard since. That was last Thursday. Par for the course, I guess. I need now to just be patient.

During the Thanksgiving weekend, I went up to see my ex-girlfriend in Washington DC. We had a lot of fun, driving to Baltimore to see the aquarium, going to the new Smithsonian Museum of the American Indian, and such. On Monday, when she had to return to work, I had a day to myself so I hopped the Metro downtown. I sorta "invited" myself to the Peace Corps Headquarters. I figured I was in town, and it would be nice to actually meet my Placement Officer in person. Plus I wanted to see what it was like in PCHQ.

Well, right off the bat I knew it wasn't going to happen. Right in the door I had to pass through a metal detector like I was at an airport. (Aside: This whole security thing is getting a little out of hand. Why they would need security for the Peace Corps seems an indication, to me, that something is seriously wrong with the way we are conducting ourselves internationally.) Guards kept people from approaching the elevators. So I went up to the Information Desk -- which was not very accurately named, by the way -- and spoke with the woman there. I told her I was recently Medically Cleared and was in town so I thought I'd speak to my Placement Officer in person. Her demeanor ranged from suspicious to dismissive. It took me several tries to explain to her that, no, I was not wishing to apply to the Peace Corps, that I had already done that, and I had no ulterior motives other than just being in town. Meanwhile a guard strolled casually over to study newspapers nearby. After wrangling like this for a few minutes, she finally called the Placement Office upstairs and had me sit down in a waiting area nearby.

A minute later, the courtesy phone rang. It was someone from Placement, and happily they understood where I was in the application process and why I wanted to visit. I said I was rapidly coming to the conclusion this type of visit was unorthodox. "Yeah," he said. Unfortunately, it doesn't really work that way." He then answered my questions pretty closely, telling me a January departure was unlikely anymore, and that I should look more for a May departure, and he also told me the e-mail address of my Placement Officer. Finally, some direct information.

I left feeling a little strange -- I was worried for a while that my unannounced visit would circulate the PC and would somehow stain my chances of an Invitation. But then, I thought, certainly I can't be the first person who has ever dropped by like that.

One of the things many applicants complain about is the way the Peace Corps can be very bureaucratic and faceless, even cold, when one is dealing with them. I have some ideas about how they could rectify that. And I think they should. Sometimes I fantasize about doing my service, maybe extending it another couple years, then going to work in the Peace Corps. I think I have some excellent ideas that would help personalize it and make sure it survives another 40 years. But that's for another post.

Hopefully very soon now I'll get an invitation...

Those Are the Rules, Man

The following was created by members of the Peace Corps Eastern Caribbean as a way to put on paper, to get some finality, to the issue of online writing. Blogs are catching on quickly as a good way for Peace Corps volunteers to share their experience, or just record it electronically for themselves. It's a great medium because it is easy to use and instantaneous. But that's where a lot of the trouble comes in. I think most of the rules listed below are sensible; I don't really agree, though, with the "urging" to not mention exactly where you live. The odds are so incredibly long that terrorists might see your web site and decide to kidnap you, if that is the basis for the Peace Corps' concern. Far more likely they'll spot you going about your daily business, because they stick out like a sore thumb in-country! But it's only listed as an "urging," so it doesn't seem mandatory. I have every intention of discussing where I live on this blog in the future. To protect others, though, I'll be more discreet about where friends and colleagues live and work.

So, via the Peace Corps Yahoo Group, The Rules (please forgive the length):

Peace Corps-Eastern Caribbean Website Policy
As in the Volunteer Handbook
5/11/04

Electronic Communication and Volunteer Websites: Volunteers must use discretion and judgment when using Peace Corps and non-Peace Corps-owned computer equipment. This is of particular importance when communicating via e-mail and the Internet, which has potential for mass distribution. Volunteers are free to discuss their role in the Peace Corps with any individual or group, but they should recognize that ill-considered statements could be used to embarrass themselves, the host country in which they serve, the Peace Corps, or the United States. Material that might be viewed as disparaging to the host country or as politically sensitive by the host government could create significant problems for the Peace Corps program in that country. The care taken in private communication should be no less than the care taken in public utterances; messages to friends and family or the contents of web pages may be passed to the press or others and become a public issue. Volunteers should take into account the Peace Corps policies regarding publication of materials, political expression, and other related issues in this section above when they use IT systems and services, such as e-mail and posting material to the Web. A violation of such policies could result in administrative separation or other disciplinary action.

In addition, Volunteers should be aware of the potential for violation of U.S. privacy, host country, or other applicable laws if they include in any electronic communication (via e-mail or a web page) detailed personal information about others, such as full names or addresses, without the specific prior permission of those individuals. In addition, Volunteers could potentially violate such laws if they transmit information that could be defamatory in nature regarding another individual. Similar restrictions may apply to the unauthorized transmission or posting of a person's photograph or likeness. Social security numbers should never be posted on a Web site or transmitted via e-mail, under any circumstances.

Volunteers who create their own Web sites, or post information to Web sites that have been created and maintained by others, should be reminded that (unless password-protected) any information posted on the Internet can probably be accessed by the general public, even if that is not intended. Because search engines regularly index most sites on the Internet, it is possible that members of the public could locate a Volunteer Web site by searching for information about the Peace Corps or a certain country. This is possible even if the Volunteer does not actively promote his/her Web site. Given these realities, Volunteers are responsible for ensuring that their IT use is consistent with the following guidelines:

• Notification: Volunteers who create their own Web sites or post material to Web sites created by others are responsible for discussing the content in advance with the Country Director to ensure that the material is suitable and complies with this general guidance as well as any country-specific guidance.

• Disclaimer: Any web site maintained by a Volunteer during his or her Peace Corps service must reflect the fact that it is not an official publication of the Peace Corps or the U.S. Government. The site, therefore, must be labeled clearly and prominently with an appropriate disclaimer such as: "The contents of this Web site are mine personally and do not reflect any position of the U.S. Government or the Peace Corps."

• Use of the Peace Corps Logo: Because use of the Peace Corps logo is reserved for official activities authorized by the Peace Corps Act, the logo cannot be used on Volunteer Web sites.

• Cultural Sensitivity: The thoughtful and accurate insights that Volunteers convey in their communications with others can contribute substantially to bringing to the United States a better understanding of other countries. However, given the broad access to Volunteer-posted material on the Web, both in their country of service and elsewhere, Volunteers should remain culturally sensitive with respect to the material they post to any Web site. Volunteers should be reminded that people in their host countries and members of the U.S. public may make inferences about the Peace Corps or the Volunteer's country of service based on the material a Volunteer posts to a Web site. Volunteer-posted material on the Web should not embarrass or reflect poorly on the Peace Corps or the countries where Volunteers serve.

• Safety and Security: As a safety precaution, Volunteers are urged to omit from their Web sites information about their precise living location or those of other Volunteers, as well as information about events to be attended by a large number of Volunteers. For example, Volunteers who live in remote areas should use care before placing the name of their towns or villages on their Web site and, instead, should refer to the general area of the country where they live. For their own protection, it is also advisable not to provide information about Volunteers' personal possessions. Volunteers should be aware of the risk of identity fraud and other security concerns connected with the posting of any personal information about themselves, family members and others on Web sites.

• Publication Policies: Consistent with Peace Corps' policy regarding publications, Volunteers may not accept payment for anything they write or photograph that appears on the Web. Articles, manuals, teaching materials, and other work-related products developed in connection with Peace Corps service and/or financed by Peace Corps funds are considered part of the public domain and may not be copyrighted or used for personal gain. Volunteers should be advised that posting materials to the Web that they have not authored or created may violate U.S., host country, or other applicable copyright laws.

• Volunteer Contributions to Peace Corps' official Web Sites: The Office of Communications, which oversees the Peace Corps' official external web site (http://www.peacecorps.gov), welcomes the submission of essays, stories, and photographs from Volunteers that will assist in highlighting Peace Corps activities to prospective applicants and the general public. All submissions should be reviewed by the Country Director and forwarded to the Office of Communications for consideration.

The Southern Cross

This song by Crosby, Stills and Nash has been haunting me lately. The lyrics really capture my increasing wanderlust, my need to get the hell out of dodge. My disconnect and lack of belonging to the country of my birth has been getting more and more obvious over the years, certainly one aspect of my interest in joining the Peace Corps. This song has a sort of troubled, unfulfilled drifter quality to the "persona" of the songwriter that speaks to something in my soul. Read, and enjoy (and if you can, get a copy of the song and listen to it).

Got out of town on a boat going to southern islands,
Sailing a reach before a following sea.
She was making for the trades on the outside,
And the downhill run to Pape`ete

Off the wind on this heading lie the Marquesas.
We got eighty feet of waterline, nicely making way.
In a noisy bar in Avalon I tried to call you,
But on the midnight watch I realized why twice you ran away.

Think about how many times I have fallen.
Spirits are using me; larger voices callin'.
What heaven brought you and me cannot be forgotten.
I have been around the world, lookin' for that woman, girl,
Who knows love can endure.
And you know it will.

When you see the Southern Cross for the first time,
You understand now why you came this way.
'Cause the truth you might be running from is so small,
But it's as big as the promise, the promise of the coming day.

So I'm sailing for tomorrow; my dreams are a-dying.
And my love is an anchor tied to you, tied with a silver chain.
I have my ship, and all her flags are a-flying.
She is all that I have left, and music is her name.

Think about how many times I have fallen.
Spirits are using me; larger voices callin'.
What heaven brought you and me cannot be forgotten.
I have been around the world, lookin' for that woman, girl,
Who knows love can endure.
And you know it will.
And you know it will.

So we cheated and we lied and we tested,
And we never failed to fail. It was the easiest thing to do.
You will survive being bested.
Somebody fine will come along make me forget about loving you
In the Southern Cross.

Conditional Love

Just as the woman from the Office of Medical Services suggested, a letter did indeed arrive Saturday. I have now been officially medically cleared; I have the letter to prove it! At long last, this part of my Peace Corps experience has come to an end and I can start on the next part, which is the Invitation/Departure. There are some... exceptions, however, clauses to my acceptance that I'm not sure how to feel about. Well, here is a transcription of the most pertinent parts of the letter, provided for the benefit of people who might be curious about such things (emphasis mine):

Thank you for submitting all the requested medical and dental information to the Office of Medical Services. You have been medically and dentally qualified for Peace Corps service in a country where psychological support services are available should they be required and where nuts are not a dietary staple.

...

You are required to bring a three (3) month supply of all your current medication/s to country with you. You are required to obtain and carry an anaphylaxis kit with you at all times. For your allergies, please wear a Med-alert bracelet at all times while you are in Peace Corps service.

Now, I find myself a little torn about this conditional acceptance. On one hand, I'm just glad they've accepted me and we can all move forward now. On the other hand, I can't help but sigh a little at the overcautious zeal to which they've approached my health status in these two areas. First of all, readers of this blog will remember that they treated my past counseling with kid gloves. When I voluntarily admitted I'd sought out counseling for various quite normal reasons, they nevertheless treated me as though I was mentally unhinged and might crack at any time. I'll come clean with my readers here. In high school I was -- how to say? -- very troubled. I don't know what my problem was, but I know I often had dark thoughts and turned inward with my feelings. One day in school I cut at my wrists with a piece of broken mirror I had found in the hallway during class. Yes, that's right, I did this during class. It was during art, my favorite subject and the class where I just happened to be seated at the same table as two asshole skaters who always gave me hell and never took me seriously. I didn't really mean it as a final gesture, not really. I just wanted to shock the hell of them and to relish in the looks on their faces as I cut my own flesh. Well, they took me seriously after that! I wasn't some lame geek; I had a troubled streak and it served to earn some respect from them. Problem was, my friends immediately went to my mother and ratted me out (well, combined with some of the morbid and disturbing drawings I had a penchant for drawing at the time), and next thing I knew I was in weekly therapy sessions and was put on Prozac.

Fast forward ten years. I am married, starting graduate school, I have just pathetically ditched the Peace Corps, and I have many more problems than just adolescent malaise and low self-esteem. Buckling under the pressures of a dying marriage and college courses that were not going as well as I'd hoped (to put it mildly; I actually got an F in one of my classes in my first semester at grad school, my first F since high school), I get a little despondent and feel not quite myself. "Easy," I think, "I'm depressed again, like in high school. I'll just get onto some Prozac and I'll soon be right as rain." No -- this time it wasn't working, which should have been my first sign that my problems weren't biological. I also sought out counseling as my marriage collapsed like a black hole. Who wouldn't? Or, more accurately, shouldn't I have? A couple years later I feel better. Moving on.

But the Peace Corps was concerned about it, and now they've taken steps to limit where I might be assigned to those places that have psychological support services available. I don't know what this means -- actually, I thought there were no psychological support services available in the Peace Corps. It might work in my favor; it might lean me toward the Caribbean or Pacific, areas that are more Westernized and are coincidentally the areas I'd prefer to serve. It might also put me in more urban environments. But what the actual ramifications will be are unclear and they make me very nervous.

As for the nuts thing: (sigh) yes, I am allergic to nuts, but I've been perfectly aware of this allergy for over twenty years and know how to avoid foods with them. I suppose enough nuts could put me into anaphylactic shock, sure, but long before I consumed that much I'd be aware of the changes happening in my body and I could stop eating. The reaction I get is a pulsating feeling in my mouth, along with throat tightness, a swollen tongue, sinus activity and chest constrictions. Classic allergic reaction stuff. I've never needed an epinephrine shot because it would be almost impossible for me to eat that many nuts without noticing the onset in time to minimize it. I'd have to willfully shovel mouthfuls of almonds down my gullet to activate a serious medical emergency. So again the OMS took a simple minor molehill and made a mountain out of it. I'm not going to carry around a bloody kit, nor am I going to get a wristband. It just isn't that serious of a problem.

The thing that gets me is, both of these problems were part of my life when I volunteered in 1998. Nothing's changed.

All this serves to once again enforce the rule of thumb: when in doubt, leave it out. If you don't think something is that big of a deal, don't mark it on your medical questionnaire.

Thanks for listening. Now let me say this, on a positive note:

WHOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!! :D

The Sound of One Hand Clapping

Just a follow-up to my previous post:

I broke down and called the Peace Corps to talk to someone in Medical. I just wanted to know if they were waiting for me to do something... I was afraid I was waiting for them, and they were waiting for me, and so it would go with nothing being done forever.

Of course, I had to leave a message, but this time they were back to me in like 30 minutes. "It says here," the nurse said, "you were MEDICALLY CLEARED on Tuesday."

Me: "Oh."

Wouldn't you know it -- the two days I don't go online obsessively to check my status are exactly the two days when changes occur. Anyway, the good news I'm medically cleared, and right now my application is finishing its arduous journey over at Legal. I already talked to them a while back and they expressed optimism that it should rush through there, since even though I have a divorce on my record, I owe nothing to my ex-wife (in fact, it's the other way around!), I have no children, and I have only student loan debt to contend with.

Here's hoping I'll be hearing from the Placement Officers in a few days! Of course, you'll be the first to know.

-Bri

Peace Corps Headquarters

PeaceCorpsHQ.JPG
Originally uploaded by hawaiianbrian.

This photo was taken when I was in Washington DC a couple months ago. I went down to see all the sights on the National Mall and HAD to take a side journey to check out the Peace Corps Headquarters. So this is it -- the humble building that serves as the "brain" for the operation. I was surprised; I was expecting something bigger, I guess. :)

I'll be back there for Thanksgiving to visit my ex-girlfriend (see The Way We Were). If I still haven't resolved this medical issue, I'll be dropping by to see them in person!

-Bri

p.s. If posting this image is deemed to compromise Peace Corps security or confidentiality, I'll gladly remove it. In this day and age of paranoia and hyper-vigilance, I hope I haven't crossed some kind of line. :(

The Sound of Silence

I know, I know. I'm supposed to be exercising patience right now. But the fact that I haven't heard diddly from the PC in many weeks is starting to make me a little nervous. Actually, I wouldn't be nervous at all -- that's just the nature of the application, and that the PC is understaffed and overworked. But I got to wondering a little while ago if there was a miscommunication. You might remember I was requested to go seek out a psych evaluation, and that apparently got sorted out when the Medical Desk person finally got to speak one-on-one with my ex-counselor. OR at least that's what he said in an e-mail. What if he was mistaken and the Medical Desk is sitting there, waiting for me to do something I didn't think I needed to do?

So my paranoia go the better of me and I called on Monday, getting the infamous voice mail box, and of course I still haven't heard back from them. If I don't get a call by about 2 pm tomorrow I'll call again. I hear the PC actually wants people who are dogged and do not flag in the face of obstacles. I'm not about to give up my goal/dream/destiny of the Peace Corps over something like this. It would just be nice to get it resolved!

Anyway, you may be wondering why on earth I haven't posted in nearly three weeks. What happened was, my grandfather died (actually on the very night of my last TheToughestJob entry) and I had to go to the funeral right after that. Most of my family is from Texas, specifically west Texas, and so I had to spend a few days over there for the funeral. It was... surreal. I had been to a funeral only once before, for someone I didn't know, and I was about ten at the time so my mother didn't permit me to approach the casket. Up until a couple weeks ago, I had never seen a dead body in my life. Then the dead body just happened to be my own grandfather, which was very, very disturbing. I've read about such feelings before and never really connected with the sense of disconnection and disgust people have described feeling at seeing a relative or loved one in a casket. Now I know.

We held a "viewing" the night before, which for those of you who may be blissfully ignorant (as I was) is a sort of awkward ceremony where the family of the deceased stand around in a side room of the funeral home (another first for me) and other friends, family, and acquaintances drop by to chat and view the body. Hence the name. If you have ever heard the term, "elephant in the room," you will come to understand its full meaning at such an event. Everyone stands around and discusses who just got into college, who just had babies, who is on kidney dialysis, what to do about the Iraq war, etc. etc. etc., all while a dead body is sitting a few feet away. And the thing in the casket didn't even remotely look like my grandfather. It was like a Madame Toussaud's wax museum version of him, this plastic effigy of a man I once knew and loved. I am now of the firm conviction that I simply do not belong to the "culture" of America -- its consumerism, capitalism, religions, and lots more. And now I can firmly say this macabre ceremony runs so counter to my own beliefs that it has really driven home how out of place I am here.

Oddly, my mother asked me later how I would have felt about it, had I been in another culture. Say, in Africa in the Peace Corps or something, and a local bigwig from the village had died. Honestly, I probably wouldn't feel as dismayed, but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I wouldn't be related to that bigwig. But nevertheless I think staring at a dead body and sobbing uncontrollably only serves to prolong the agony. I, personally, would rather never see them again and deal with the grief alone. And I desperately hope my own passing isn't marked by such a morbid and maudlin display.

Well, now that I got that off my mind, I can apologize for the long space between postings. As I've said before, though, this part of the application process is coming along at a snail's pace, and I have very little to report outside various personal issues, like the one above. I'm not sure how interested most readers of this blog are to read entries unrelated to Peace Corps matters. But you may find a few more from time to time as the application process crawls along. Hope you don't mind.

-Bri

p.s. The purpose of the above entry was to rant, not to solicit condolences on my grandfather's death. I'm okay, I really am. Thanks, though. :)

Some Light Reading

For those of us who are also in the application process, information can be rare and tantalizing when we receive it. It's like finding a puddle of pure water while crossing the desert. Blogs or online journals written by other Peace Corps volunteers are extremely useful for this reason, letting applicants satisfy their thirst for knowledge. And, in some cases, can serve to allay fears or warn against problems. One of the most important things soon-to-be volunteers need to know, for example, is that they will never be able to predict what their experience will be like, but that they can expect certain things to happen. Look out for homesickness, alienation, feelings of disenchantment, culture shock. Look out for the self-defeating tendencies to crumple under pressure and want to return to comfort and safety. But also look out for instant friendships from the tight-knit volunteer group, experiences so exciting and new that you feel more alive than ever, some of the best sleep of your life, wonderful stories, etc. etc.

Here are some of the blogs and journals I've been reading over the last few months (and some new ones). Every one of them is different, and not just in location and assignment, but in attitude and outcome. Some are from people who have ETed, some are from volunteers who have just arrived, some are from others still waiting for an assignment, some are from RPVCs. All of them tell just a little bit of what all PCVs need to know about the Peace Corps and what your experience will be like. The more you read, the better.

So It Goes. A recently-departed volunteer in Senegal.
Jason Pearce/COS. A site that chronicles the experience of a volunteer given his walking papers for being too truthful in his blog! Important to read for anyone planning to electronically record their PC experience!
Erika in Kyrgyztan. A volunteer who is serving in a place that is radically different from my Pacific/Caribbean experience.
Wanderlustress. A volunteer in Uzbekistan.
Caroline's Peace Corps Site. Caroline just finished her assignment in St. Lucia, where I did my training back in 1998.
Caribbean Blue... a St. Lucia Journal. This was made by David Waters, fellow volunteer from EC 65, back in 1998. If you look through his journal, you'll see a picture of a heavily-illustrated plastic drinking cup... that was my cup from training! (It was very exciting to find that randomly on the internet!)
American Idle. Someone who ETed from an assignment in Samoa.
Kris Rush/Peace Corps Samoa. Another volunteer who ETed from Samoa... (What is it with Samoa?)
Lindsey Wolf's Peace Corps Site. A volunteer currently serving in St. Lucia.
The Palangi Files. Another volunteer from the Pacific.
Paul W. Neville's Tonga Experience. A volunteer from Tonga, obviously.
Mijal's Blog. This one hasn't been updated in a really long time, so I'm curious how she is. Any Tongan readers in the house?
AdventureDivas. Peace Corps. Hard Core. Not a blog, but has good information resources.
Justin and Rebecca in Tonga. A cute couple serving together in Tonga. They should be entering COS soon.
Travels in Bananaland. An RPCV who served in St. Lucia.
Peace Corps Eastern Caribbean. A site by Greg Carlson, who I assume is still in St. Lucia (he hasn't updated in a while either).
Patrick's Blog. Someone who just began the application process.
Following My Heart. Also someone who just began the application process.
The Quiet American. A volunteer who is close to finishing PST in Senegal.
The Peace Corps Site RIng. Many more sites can be found here. I tried not to duplicate, but I think one or two favorites fell through the cracks.
Peace Corps Online Blog List. An extensive list of blogs that I won't try to copy here. Lots of goodies!
Websites About Our Countries. Yet MORE links to scores of pages, these sorted by country. If you haven't found what you're looking for yet, here's your solution.
So You Wanna Join the Peace Corps? Not a blog or online diary, but very useful for people poised on the verge of applying and in need of a final nudge.
Peace Corps Online Information Network. A site chock full of links to stories about service.

I'll add to this list as new stuff comes in. If you are a reader who has a site, or knows of one not listed here, please drop me a line in the comments box or send an e-mail (I love getting e-mail!)

-Bri

Ruminations Late at Night

As of last week, the hurdle in front of me from the mental health specialists is over. Finally. I got my ex-counselor to give the Medical Desk a call and I guess talking to him eased their nervous minds. Strangely, I'm still not clear yet. When I check online, I keep seeing my progress held up in the "Legal" section. It says I have a legal hold. Nobody's contacted me. If that hasn't been cleared by midweek, by God, I'm going to call and see what's up.

So that means still no word on an assignment. I know my faithful readership out there are dying to know. Trust me -- nobody is dying to know more than me. As soon as I know, you'll know. I'm going to try and finesse an assignment in either the Caribbean or Pacific, though. I really want to go to one of those two places. I know, I know: PC volunteers should be selfless and willing to anywhere the PC needs them. I must say, in my defense, that I do have an aversion to snow and cold weather that would keep me from serving in most of Asia and all of eastern Europe. I think I mentioned this in an earlier post. That leaves Africa, of course, and I have nothing against Africa but -- two years there?

Anyway, I'd go if they asked me to, but I think it would be a criminal waste of my knowledge. See, I have more exposure to the cultures and languages of the Pacific and Caribbean than any other place in the world. I lived in Hawai`i for a time, and have self-taught myself a lot about the culture and language since then (my friends would say I'm obsessed). The language of both Tonga and Samoa are very close to Hawaiian, giving me a leg up there. Heck, the modernized culture in both those places is recognizably very similar to Hawaiian modern culture. Shaka signs, floral prints, the works.

As for the Caribbean, my recent ex-girlfriend was from Jamaica and I spent a lot of time with her family in Miami. They liked me a lot because I was already way more informed on their way of life than most stupid white men, and I think this impressed them. I'd eaten breadfruit, salt fish, ganips. I didn't lose track of the conversation when they spoke in patois. I could talk about Caribbean politics.

Please, Placement Desk people -- if you want to maximize my value as a volunteer, send me to one of those places. I don't claim to know everything about life there, but I am familiar enough at least to be able to adjust faster and more thoroughly than most. Don't think my choices are based on some kind of American idiot notions of "paradise" or visions of white sand beaches; life in the post-colonial tropics is more complex and exciting than a beach can ever be. And, besides, you could say I have "unfinished business" in the Caribbean.

Sigh. More to come...

-Bri

A Little Whine with that Cheese?

Well, I haven't posted on here in a while, partially because I'm still waiting for the results of this latest fiasco. Hopefully I can figure out a way to get this cleared up that doesn't involve spending hundreds of dollars.

Here's the gist of what's new: after my last post, I talked to my ex-counselor, the fella I went to when I was having trouble with writer's block. This guy is also a licensed psychologist in his spare time, and he was quick to denounce what this Peace Corps Medical person was demanding of me. He said he'd call her at my behest and talk to her. However, he wanted me to call her again and lean on her. I did so, but of course she wasn't in the office, so I ended up leaving a detailed message. Point is, there's no use in applying pressure to her because she doesn't trust my word to begin with. The time I did talk to her on the phone she had this suspicious tone to her voice, as if searching for clues among my protestations that would prove I was more of a nutter than she thought. It was like when convicts go before the parole board to review their incarceration -- the parole board is looking for anything, any small clue, that might betray the convict as a fraud, a lying scoundrel hoping to get out of his sentence, rather than someone who legitimately has been rehabilitiated.

Anyway, so almost three weeks on and still no word from my ex-counselor about whether he ever got around to making that call. He's a good guy (obviously) -- I believe he'll do it. I mean, he told me that, if he can't talk Ms. Suspicious into relenting, he'll just fill out the damnable paperwork himself and be done with the mess. He feels very strongly that I should, under no circumstances, have to go consult a $200-per-hour psychiatrist for three sessions just so the Peace Corps, and this woman in particular, can feel a little better about me.

But as I said, no word. No word from Peace Corps Medical either. And no change to my status on the website. I've called all the parties involved and have received no callbacks. PLUS! I called the Peace Corps Placement Desk and they confirmed the info I'd heard from my Recruiter that the PC needs at least six weeks between invitation and departure date. THAT MEANS I'VE PASSED MY WINDOW AND I WON'T BE GOING IN NOVEMBER. Yes, you heard right: this fiasco has ruined my chances of going to the South Pacific in November. The Placement Desk woman said instead I'd have to work with them, once I received Med clearance, to find me a new assignment. If things are as grim as they seemed when I was talking with my recruiter last summer, that probably means I won't be going ANYWHERE for a while.

A side note: If I want to make lemonade out of this lemon, I could say I hope this means I get a Caribbean assignment. Jamaica or Eastern Caribbean, where I was before, to leave in June 2005. When I talk it out with the Placement people, I'll try to push the angle that I have "unfinished business" in the Eastern Caribbean, and that my pre-exposure to life there would make me an ideal candidate, one who would minimize the "culture shock" that cripples so many volunteers. We'll see.

Sigh.

-Bri